MARTA GETS TINDER.

It's 31st of December. I'm single. Single but not ready to mingle. I stay away from dating apps like fire. Nothing against dating apps, I'm just sooo not ready for all that.

31st December, 3pm. I don't usually drink. But today I'm starting early. A little bit because it's New Years Eve. A little bit because I'm feeling like shit. I'm just back from Poland. I so did not want to be back from Poland. I miss my family. So much. And there is this guy. I have a little bit of a crush on him... I just do not want to be back. 

3 glasses of champagne later. Friends are running late. I'm in need of some distraction. Ooooh oooh, let's see what Tinder is all about. Download, yes. Login with Facebook, hmmm owkay. Wait, SHIT, I'm on Tinder. What? Fuck fuck fuck! Call Maureen, she was once on Tinder! 

'Maureen! I'm on Tinder!!! I was just gonna check it out, I thought I can like you know have a draft account, but there is no draft account, I'm on there!!!!.' 'Haha are you OK?', she asks. 'Not at all, I'm an emotional mess, and I'm tipsy, but TINDER! Tell me about Tinder?'. 

Left. Left. Left. Left. Left. Left. Right. 'You have a match'. Oh. 'Jasper sent you a message.' No no no no no. I'm not ready to chat! I just got here!! 'Pancakes or waffles?.' Ah, food question, I got this. Pancakes, always pancakes. We make small talk. Jasper wants a booty call. Thanks but no thanks. 

Wine bar. 5 glasses of wine later. Current state: drunk. 'Hey, guuuuuys! I got me a Tinder. Looooook!'. My phone is hijacked. It takes me a moment to realize Hélène is swiping EVERYONE right. EVERYONE!! 'Hélène, STOP!' She does NOT stop. Rest of the night is a blur. 

1st of January. My head is killing me. Someone is in my bed! Uufff, it's Claire, it's just Claire. Thank god. I pick up my phone. New Years wishes from aunt Lena. I have a match. Facebook message from mom. I have a match. Rodolphe sent me a message. Sam sent me a message. I've been superliked? What the... OMG, TINDER! I'm on Tinder!!!! 

First 2017 resolution: DELETE Tinder. But since I'm in... go to messages. First message. Rodolphe, 40.  I must have swiped him right. He is hot. Really hot. Wait, what? Rodolphe does not believe in epilation. He thinks it causes world's chaos and alienation. Thanks for sharing Rodolphe. I believe in laser hair removal. Bye Rodolphe. Second message. Frank, 42. Frank is not wearing a shirt. Frank looks like Mr. Bean. Must be one of Hélène's guys. Well, maybe Frank has a great personality... 'Roses are red, violets are blue, Marta, I wanna hook up with you'. Frank does NOT have a great personality. Bye Frank.

Faith in male race before Tinder: 5%. Faith in male race after Tinder: 1%.  Find settings, delete account... 'You have a new match'. Oh. Ok, let me just quickly check this one out. 

TO BE CONTINUED. 

MARTA GETS A NEW SITE.

April 2008. I write my first blogpost. I put it online. It's about making sushi. I love sushi. I call myself Princess Misia. I get 14 visitors. I'm excited. Only five people knew I started a blog. It's a good day.

December 2008. My dad passes away. Life sucks. I wish I remembered how he made that mushroom soup.

April 2009. I go over 1000 views on my blog in one day.  My 20 something self thinks I'm cool on the internet.

October 2012. I start an online food magazine. 5th edition gets over a million views. I am on top of the world.

November 2013. I get 3 book deals. I pick one. It just feels right. I start working on Fourplay.

May 2014. I am a boss of an agency. I make decent money. I travel the world. It does not feel right anymore. I just want to cook & shoot. I quit my job. 

September 2014. My book is in stores. Media loves it. People love it. I get a deal for a second book.

January 2015. There is a plus on my pregnancy test. Nothing else matters.

April 2015. My mom gets a heart attack. My world stops.

June 2015. Lemonade, my second book comes out. It's hot. People are thirsty. People like lemonades. I am damn lucky.

Summer 2015. My heart gets broken into million pieces.

September 2015. Fer is born. I feel I have a heart outside of my body. I understand what 'I'd jump into fire for you' really means.

2016. My DIY BABY book is in stores. Life has never been more beautiful and hard at the same time. Everything changes. My relationship status, my address.

2017. 2008 seems a century ago. Lots has happened. I don't feel like a 'princess' anymore. I'm more of a fierce queen who wears her big girl pants every day. Who with half of sleep has double the drive to kick ass at life. 

This is Everyday Marta. My new platform for food, embarrassing stories and winging everyday life. Hope you come back. And if you don't come, I have 99 problems but you ain't one.

Adios bitchachos!