In my job I stand in front of the camera sometimes. Sometimes I do well. Sometimes I embarrass the shit out of myself. Here are three separate times I embarrassed the shit out of myself. If you feel awkward reading it, imagine being me. 

Situation 1: HOLA. 
First time filming live. I'm stressed AF. I don't know why I said yes. But I'm here. So let's just suck it up and do it. They get me ready. "We start in 10. You have to start by introducing yourself." Ok. 10 minutes left. I want to fix my make up. Find bathroom: check. Fix make-up: check. I look in the mirror. Let's practice that introduction. 'Hi, I'm Marta!' 'Helloooow, I'm Marta'. 'Holaaaa! Soy Marta. Ok, no that's just too much.' 'Hey there, my name is Marta'. 'Hellowkes, I'm Marta.' And 10 other ways to introduce myself. I go back. "We go live in 5!". "Cameras check, microphone on...." I'm sorry what??? Microphone on what??? Nooooo. No no no. 'Excuse me! Excuse me? Was my microphone on all this time?' "Yes. Or si si." Great. Just great. I knew hola was just too much. 

Situation 2: DO HIM.
I'm filming again. Day is going great. It's busy, it's chaotic, I love it. Crew is awesome and I mute my microphone when I talk to myself in the mirror. Well done, me. We have a break. My phone rings. It's Monika. I take the call in the toilet. She asks how it's going. I tell her how it's going. It's going really well. She asks if there are hot men. "Yeaaah' I say. 'The cameran is SOOW HOT.' Yes SOOW HOT coz I now apparently use Australian accent to describe hot man. "Do him!" she says. 'Naaah, I'm not gonna do him!! He doesn't seem like fun enough for me!'. I pee. I come out. Cameraman looks at me. Cameraman does not look impressed. Cameraman says "you know your microphone is on right." NOT. THIS. AGAIN. No cameraman, I did not know. I just called you hot but not fun enough. And I peed in your ear. I did NOT know. We go back to filming. Cameraman is 50cm away from my face for the next 2 hours. Because being on camera is just not awkward enough.

Situation 3: Shoot me now. 
We're making a video about my work. I do what I usually do when I style and shoot. I unpack my props. Arrange them on a table.... We stop filming for a moment. I take a photo of my props and put it on IG stories. Production manager thinks it looks cool. He wants to film that too. I take a few pictures with my phone. He now wants me to browse them on camera. 

Camera is filming my phone screen. Camera is connected to a monitor. Production team is sitting at the monitor. 

I start browsing. Swipe, swipe, swipe... 'Keep on browsing Marta!' 'Ok'. Swipe, swipe, SHIT swipe DID swipe I swipe DELETE swipe THE swipe PHOTO swipe FROM swipe LAST .... OMFG!!!!!!! I did NOT delete the photo from last night. Shoot me now. 

You see, the night before I sexted. And the night before I was feeling brave. So I did not take the one boob half a nipple pic. No. The night before I took a selfie stick. And I took a full on nude in a bath. Full on. In a bath. And now my full on nude was not only to be admired by the cameraman. My full on nude was also to be admired by the production team. They say it's all good. They say they will cut it out. That's really great. Thanks. But for now let me just dig a hole and hide in it. Bye.


I know some of you think hipster food ruins the world. Well, here I am. On a Friday morning, ruining it a little more for you. But then again, does it really count? Since my galaxy bowl is SO OUT OF THIS WORLD (no, no it's not, I just couldn't stop myself from saying it, I did try though).  Here is how you make it. 

Purple smoothie: 
125 g yogurt
100 g frozen blueberries
1/2 frozen banana (freeze your banana cut into pieces)

Pink smoothie: 
125 g yogurt
1 beet (cooked and peeled)
1 frozen banana (freeze your banana cut into pieces)
1 tablespoon maple syrup 

hemp seeds
edible flowers (dried) 

Combine all ingredients for the purple smoothie in a blender and puree until completely smooth. Do the same with the pink smoothie ingredients. 

Transfer the mixtures into a bowl, give it a nice swirl and add toppings. EAAAAT! 


It's 31st of December. I'm single. Single but not ready to mingle. I stay away from dating apps like fire. Nothing against dating apps, I'm just sooo not ready for all that.

31st December, 3pm. I don't usually drink. But today I'm starting early. A little bit because it's New Years Eve. A little bit because I'm feeling like shit. I'm just back from Poland. I so did not want to be back from Poland. I miss my family. So much. And there is this guy. I have a little bit of a crush on him... I just do not want to be back. 

3 glasses of champagne later. Friends are running late. I'm in need of some distraction. Ooooh oooh, let's see what Tinder is all about. Download, yes. Login with Facebook, hmmm owkay. Wait, SHIT, I'm on Tinder. What? Fuck fuck fuck! Call Maureen, she was once on Tinder! 

'Maureen! I'm on Tinder!!! I was just gonna check it out, I thought I can like you know have a draft account, but there is no draft account, I'm on there!!!!.' 'Haha are you OK?', she asks. 'Not at all, I'm an emotional mess, and I'm tipsy, but TINDER! Tell me about Tinder?'. 

Left. Left. Left. Left. Left. Left. Right. 'You have a match'. Oh. 'Jasper sent you a message.' No no no no no. I'm not ready to chat! I just got here!! 'Pancakes or waffles?.' Ah, food question, I got this. Pancakes, always pancakes. We make small talk. Jasper wants a booty call. Thanks but no thanks. 

Wine bar. 5 glasses of wine later. Current state: drunk. 'Hey, guuuuuys! I got me a Tinder. Looooook!'. My phone is hijacked. It takes me a moment to realize Hélène is swiping EVERYONE right. EVERYONE!! 'Hélène, STOP!' She does NOT stop. Rest of the night is a blur. 

1st of January. My head is killing me. Someone is in my bed! Uufff, it's Claire, it's just Claire. Thank god. I pick up my phone. New Years wishes from aunt Lena. I have a match. Facebook message from mom. I have a match. Rodolphe sent me a message. Sam sent me a message. I've been superliked? What the... OMG, TINDER! I'm on Tinder!!!! 

First 2017 resolution: DELETE Tinder. But since I'm in... go to messages. First message. Rodolphe, 40.  I must have swiped him right. He is hot. Really hot. Wait, what? Rodolphe does not believe in epilation. He thinks it causes world's chaos and alienation. Thanks for sharing Rodolphe. I believe in laser hair removal. Bye Rodolphe. Second message. Frank, 42. Frank is not wearing a shirt. Frank looks like Mr. Bean. Must be one of Hélène's guys. Well, maybe Frank has a great personality... 'Roses are red, violets are blue, Marta, I wanna hook up with you'. Frank does NOT have a great personality. Bye Frank.

Faith in male race before Tinder: 5%. Faith in male race after Tinder: 1%.  Find settings, delete account... 'You have a new match'. Oh. Ok, let me just quickly check this one out. 



I eat most things in moderation. Most things do not include avocado. This toast is heaven. It does not even require a recipe. But I will spell it out for you. Buy bread, avocado and halloumi. Buy olive oil and pepper if you are the kind of a person who does not have olive oil and pepper. 

Bake halloumi on a pan with a bit of olive oil until it's golden and crispy on the outside and soft on the inside. Toast your bread. Slice the avocado flesh. `Put it on your toast. Put halloumi on your toast. Sprinkle with olive oil and season with pepper. 

That's it. 

Peace, love and avocado. 



April 2008. I write my first blogpost. I put it online. It's about making sushi. I love sushi. I call myself Princess Misia. I get 14 visitors. I'm excited. Only five people knew I started a blog. It's a good day.

December 2008. My dad passes away. Life sucks. I wish I remembered how he made that mushroom soup.

April 2009. I go over 1000 views on my blog in one day.  My 20 something self thinks I'm cool on the internet.

October 2012. I start an online food magazine. 5th edition gets over a million views. I am on top of the world.

November 2013. I get 3 book deals. I pick one. It just feels right. I start working on Fourplay.

May 2014. I am a boss of an agency. I make decent money. I travel the world. It does not feel right anymore. I just want to cook & shoot. I quit my job. 

September 2014. My book is in stores. Media loves it. People love it. I get a deal for a second book.

January 2015. There is a plus on my pregnancy test. Nothing else matters.

April 2015. My mom gets a heart attack. My world stops.

June 2015. Lemonade, my second book comes out. It's hot. People are thirsty. People like lemonades. I am damn lucky.

Summer 2015. My heart gets broken into million pieces.

September 2015. Fer is born. I feel I have a heart outside of my body. I understand what 'I'd jump into fire for you' really means.

2016. My DIY BABY book is in stores. Life has never been more beautiful and hard at the same time. Everything changes. My relationship status, my address.

2017. 2008 seems a century ago. Lots has happened. I don't feel like a 'princess' anymore. I'm more of a fierce queen who wears her big girl pants every day. Who with half of sleep has double the drive to kick ass at life. 

This is Everyday Marta. My new platform for food, embarrassing stories and winging everyday life. Hope you come back. And if you don't come, I have 99 problems but you ain't one.

Adios bitchachos!